InsaneJournal

A Suggestion - Sirius/Snape
First posted to hpvalensmut: 02-04-2007

Title: A Suggestion
Author: Rain iheartbowie
Recipient: a_belladonna
Pairing: Sirius/Snape
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5002
Summary: “I’ve a suggestion,” Sirius said softly, breaking the silence. “Mind you this is not my way of professing anything permanent or definite, but it’s just a suggestion.”
Author’s notes: I hope that while I was not able to include all of the kinks requested that I have included more than a couple of them. The kinks requested that I have included are, oral sex, Virgin!Snape, romance (of sorts,) first time, and happy endings. I hope that this will be enjoyed by all and especially a_belladonna as this is for her. And of course many, many thanks to asrai99 for being my favorite beta in the universe.







It was almost anti-climactic. All of that work to ensure success and he was still offed by a Death Eater. He could imagine what they would be saying in the Daily Prophet later. Having withstood the attacks of nearly three dozen Death Eaters, he heroically ensured the safe passage of the Boy Who Lived to He Who Must Not Be Named. In his death, he ensured the safety of the entire Wizarding World and…some other rubbish.

Dying was not terribly hard. It seemed like air leaking from a small hole in a balloon. Everything simply seeping out of him, and he slipped into warm darkness. It created a lightness that he could not remember ever experiencing before. From floating aimlessly he settled finally in one spot, slipping out of consciousness for a short while.

“Good to see you got here in one piece.”

“Why would I not?”

Snape opened his eyes slowly; he felt warm, languid with relaxation. There was no reason for him to rush to acknowledge the intruder of his peace. He blinked a few times as things came into focus around him. The faint golden glow of candles was comforting and he sat up to note that for all appearances it looked as if he was in his mother’s home. They had moved out and away from Tobias Snape shortly after Snape’s fifth year. Eileen Prince finally had moved on from her abusive husband and that summer had been the happiest time that he could remember.

The setting was comfortable and it felt as if the final traces of tension seeped out of his body. If he was going to be dead, this was not a terrible place to end up at. However, the fact that Sirius Black was seated in a chair beside his bed might shatter the peace the location created.

“There was a running bet as to whether or not you were going to just live through everything to spite fate,” Sirius commented.

“Fate?” Snape asked, arching a brow.

“Looks like I owe Prongs,” Sirius said with a faint chuckle.

Snape brought a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. “Would you care to explain to me how this is supposed to be my utopia if you are here?”

“Get right to the point, don’t you?” Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Can’t we start with something easy like…where am I?”

“I know where I am. I am dead. This is the afterlife, and it appears that I did not sacrifice enough in my life as I am actually in Hell,” Snape said, narrowing his eyes at Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You wish…” he muttered. He stood up and began to slowly pace up and down the length of the room. The obviously nervous man sighed and wrung his hands together as he attempted to collect his thoughts.

Snape mused for a moment that he should have a cup of tea in order to properly enjoy this show. Just as he formed this thought, a cup appeared in his hand. A dark thought circled his mind as he realized that he could most likely make whatever he wanted appear. The notion of a muzzle was particularly amusing at the moment.

“What are you grinning about over there?” Sirius asked, turning to look at him sharply.

Snape just continued to grin if for no other reason than to unnerve Sirius further. Sirius shook his head and resumed his pacing. It took a few moments, but Sirius finally took a deep breath and began.

“I’m here because I asked to be here in your mother’s place. I know you’d much rather have her here, but I needed to talk to you,” Sirius said. “She was rather stubborn about the whole thing really. Argued with me until I was blue in the face, sort of like you do.”

“Of course. She is my mother,” Snape said, easily.

“Well, anyway…the only way that she would let me talk to you was if I promised to fix everything. Since that went along with what I wanted in the first place, I figured that it wouldn’t be too hard to agree to that,” Sirius said with a shrug. “I’m starting to wonder if she knew it was impossible to begin with though.”

“You are avoiding answering my questions.”

“This is still important to my damn answer!” Sirius snapped. “I came here to bloody well apologize to you because I’ve been a right git to you and I know it and I don’t want to be forced to spend the rest of my afterlife feeling miserable.”

Snape merely arched a brow. Sirius sighed yet again and ran a hand through his hair. “Always got to make everything difficult…”

“Black, if you do not get to the point soon I will not wait for you to get there.”

“The summer after sixth year,” Sirius said, slumping back into his chair.

“Ah…”

The animagus shot Snape a look. “It’s a little more than just an ‘ah’ don’t you think?”

“I generally avoid the subject,” Snape said.

“I can’t just ignore it,” Sirius said. “I was a bloody idiot who certainly didn’t know a good thing when I had it.”

Snape shook his head. That summer had always been something that neither party discussed. It had been a vain attempt on Dumbledore’s part to force Sirius and Snape into at least peaceful civility. After Sirius had failed to kill Snape in the Shrieking Shack, Dumbledore believed that the best punishment would be forcing Sirius to work as Snape’s assistant for a rather prestigious internship project that he was offered by St. Mungo’s.

The project had been a great honor. It was an opportunity for Snape to brew potions for the hospital and receive some real world experience that would assist him in the future. Snape had believed that having Black as his assistant to complete all of this work would be difficult with Black’s inherent troublemaking nature. Snape had been completely surprised when it had been nothing of the sort.

“I fail to see why that miserable summer has any importance,” Snape said, standing from the bed.

“Dammit, Snape! You make it so bloody difficult to apologize. Just sit down and shut up for once. I’m trying to do something right and I’ll be damned if you don’t let me do this right!” Sirius said, standing as well. He moved closer to Snape and gave him a rough shove back onto the bed.

*

The summer after their sixth year had started off with some difficulty. Snape returned home to spend the first week with his mother after the term ended. He had not wanted to leave her, but he knew it would be much easier for him to work somewhere where he would simply have everything that he would need. He arrived at Hogwarts, well aware of what was in store for him. At the time it had seemed like a rather brilliant idea to have Sirius as his “servant” for the remainder of the summer.

Sirius had been surprisingly repentant, however and Snape had barely known what to do. Sirius said nothing to purposely instigate things with him, and promptly followed all of his instructions. When Snape spat out a few scathing remarks, Sirius had gone so far as to say that he had probably earned them.

At seventeen, Snape did not have the experience to know what to do in this situation. He had enough paranoia towards Black to not immediately assume that they were going to get along perfectly fine from then on. As the first few weeks of work together went past, Sirius began to ask him questions and they were holding conversations with one another. Sirius seemed honestly interested in him and it had taken Snape completely by surprise.

*

“I wasn’t lying when I told you that you were fascinating. You had such a different upbringing, and yet it was a lot like mine. We both had shitty family lives,” Sirius was saying as Snape returned to the point at hand. “Of course when we started talking more I found out that you were not only intelligent but you certainly had a similarly devious mind. You were inventive in ways I hadn’t thought of and I just wanted to hear all of your ideas on everything.”

Snape snorted. “You were infantile and I simply added to your collection of spells to use against me.”

“No!” Sirius exclaimed, looking down at Snape. “Gods! Can’t you figure out that I’m trying to tell you that I was bloody near obsessed with you!”

“Obsessed? But for what reason?” Snape said, frowning.

Sirius let out a groan of frustration. “I have no idea how I’m going to do this! You’re so bloody stubborn!”

There was a hint of a smirk at that remark. “I suppose you’ll simply have to try harder than that.”

Sirius reached out and grabbed Snape by the collar, hauling him up off the bed. Before Snape had the opportunity to react, Sirius clamped his mouth over Snape’s for a deep kiss.

*

Their first kiss had been unexpected, almost more of an accident than anything else. Sirius had been acting strangely and had nearly walked into him. They had fallen onto the floor with Sirius on top of him. More specifically he landed lips first into Snape’s nose.

A rather attractive blush had hit Sirius’s cheeks and then the lips moved. Snape knew that he had moved his head, but it was obvious that Sirius had as well. They met somewhere in the middle, lips and tongues gliding together excitedly. The blush moved to Snape, as he was surprised by his own actions.

They were both young and hormonal so it would hardly be surprising to note that kissing moved to touching and before too long they were both grinding against one another. It had been the most incredible moment in Snape’s short life and it didn’t seem to be ending soon. Sirius found spots along his throat that made stars flash across his vision and his entire body shake. Snape found that if he moved his leg just so he could make Sirius groan loudly and arch into him with pleasure. If Snape dug his fingers into Sirius’s back Sirius would growl and bit down harder on his neck.

When they finally collapsed, momentarily sated, Sirius let out a small content sigh and curled up just under Snape’s chin. It had made Snape chuckle lightly at the almost cute look on Sirius’s face.

*

“What are you laughing at?” Sirius said, looking stricken. He had lowered Snape back down to his previous seated position.

Snape shook his head. “Nothing…” he insisted, avoiding Sirius’s gaze.

“Sure…nothing,” Sirius muttered darkly before turning away. He paced a bit and stopped in front of Snape once again. Snape had by then taken the opportunity to take a deep breath and push aside the unwanted memory.

Sirius was quiet for a few moments more. “I was happy then,” he said softly. “Happy that I had something special. I would have given anything to make you feel the way that I felt at that moment.”

He refused to look at Sirius. If he did, Snape was certain that he would give himself away. Nothing had hurt more than Sirius’s inevitable betrayal. Admitting that out loud was something that Snape would not allow himself to do. He would not give Sirius a new weapon with which to hurt him.

Snape could hear Sirius stepping away then. The other man moved back to the seat he had occupied before. “If I hadn’t been so bloody scared…terrified, I suppose, of ruining the peace that I had finally managed to get with Remus and James…maybe…it might have been different. I can’t really say what could have or would have happened, but…” Sirius let out a pathetic groan of frustration.

Snape glanced briefly over at Sirius, only to see him with his head in his hands. In all of the time that Snape had known Sirius, he could not recall one time where he seemed at such a loss for words.

“Oh bloody buggering fuck…” Sirius cursed at himself. He stood up quickly and began to pace. “I’m not doing any of this right. This was supposed to be easy. Why in the world did I think this was going to be easy?”

Without realizing it, a hint of a grin tugged at Snape’s lips. He watched raptly as Sirius began a long tirade of how stupid he obviously was and how it was impossible for him to get any of “this” right. The animagus paced liked a caged animal, growing more and more agitated by the second. It occurred to Snape briefly that for as much as he had complained about Sirius being childish and idiotic since leaving Azkaban, it was not far from the truth. Sirius appeared to have been frozen at about the age of 18 or 19 without the ability to truly grow up. It was almost…charming.

*

After that first encounter, it became increasingly difficult for either of them to let the notion lie. It felt good the first time, so inevitably it would feel even more brilliant the second, third, or hundredth time. They set out to try out that theory with a great deal of enthusiasm. Snape was certain that they could work out an arrangement where they would complete all of the work necessary and still be able to rut about like rabbits.

Only two weeks after they had come to this new point, they were beginning to run out of interesting ways to touch one another. What they lacked in experience they were able to make for in their desire to please. Sirius had somehow acquired a rather interesting book which added to their knowledge and for the first time they had experimented with penetration. Snape had blushed as they read through the book together, but after Sirius had finally slid home that very first time, he forgot all about his embarrassment.

It was not completely painless. In fact, Snape dug his fingers roughly into Sirius’s arm for several moments before he felt comfortable with the notion of Sirius moving. Sirius moved slowly at first, experimenting with finding something that Snape would enjoy. It took a bit of maneuvering before Sirius found a spot deep inside of him that made Snape nearly howl with pleasure.

Snape clung to Sirius’s arms taking in this mixture of pleasure and pain with each thrust. He felt dizzy and his entire body shook with the force of the sensations. He felt Sirius go rigid and suddenly he felt the rush of Sirius’s climax filling him even further. Black eyes stared up at the ceiling and he panted, frantic for oxygen.

“Sev?” Sirius called softly. He reached out and stroked Snape’s hair lightly. Sirius pulled out and they both groaned.

Sirius looked worried as Snape still had not responded. He littered Snape’s face with kisses and then slipped down his neck. Snape brought his arms up, wrapping them around Sirius’s back. His eyes fluttered closed at the wonderful feel of Sirius’s lips and teeth against his skin.

Sirius moved away from the faint kiss mark that he had just left, grinning down at Snape. He watched him for only a moment before he settled between Snape’s legs and lowered his mouth down onto him. The feel of suction and tongue along his length was all that was necessary to finally send Snape spiraling into his much desired orgasm. Sirius milked every last drop from him until Snape was left limp on the bed they were sharing.

Everything was faintly hazy around him, so it took a few moments before Snape realized that Sirius had once again curled himself against him. The black head tucked contently just under his chin. Snape managed to lift his head just enough to kiss the top of Sirius’s head, before finally slipping into a content slumber.


The last week of their summer holiday, Snape had returned home to visit his mother. The change in him was hard to miss and before Snape had realized it his mother pried out from him the cause of his newfound happiness. He had believed that she had been pleased with what had happened. Her smile had been the largest that he could recall ever seeing on her. She told him repeatedly that it did not matter to her the details of whom or what Sirius Black was. The only thing she seemed to care for was the smile that was permanently etched on her Severus’s face.

Snape had sent an owl to Sirius about what had happened, but there had not been much time left for a response. He headed, for the first time with excitement, to Platform 9 and ¾. Everything had been going so well until he saw Sirius with Potter. Potter called out a rather rude and scathing remark, and then there had been a held breath. Snape had not really cared what Potter had said, it was Sirius’s next actions that had inevitably destroyed him.

Sirius smirked viciously and laughed. “Good one, Potter.”

*

Thinking back on that made the entire situation seem too simple, too insignificant. There was more to it than that. There was Sirius’s abject refusal to speak to him, let alone mention that he had spent the summer holiday at Hogwarts doing work for Snape of all people. Snape believed that it was something that Potter and Lupin had never found out about. Though why Sirius would not have gloated about his victory over Snape he could not begin to understand.

“Why did you not tell them?” Snape asked finally.

“I…I couldn’t…” Sirius said looking down at the ground. “I realize that this does not justify my actions, nor do I really want it to, but I was scared. I had nothing, Severus…nothing but my friends and for the last six years they had been the only thing that I truly cared about. After I did…that…they had turned on me and I was as good as dead to them. It had taken a lot of pleading and begging and groveling for them to speak to me again. Once I finally had that I didn’t want to do anything to risk it. It was them versus you and I thought that I wanted them more than I wanted you. I don’t know why I didn’t think that I couldn’t have both. I had somehow convinced myself that they would never stand for it. I was just too scared.

“I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t plan on any of that happening. I didn’t think that it would be a good idea to try to mess with you right after I’d nearly killed you. I honestly felt terrible about what I did,” Sirius said softly, coming to sit down beside him on the bed.

Snape knew that it had happened years ago and he should not be holding the grudge of something that was just a childish fear and childish bickering. However, it hardly felt as simple as his logic reasoned. This had been a crushing blow to his ego, spirit, and faith in the human race. It was harder to let go of a childhood grudge than an adult one, no matter the logic involved.

“If you came here to apologize then you have succeeded, but I will not simply accept that and go on as if nothing ever happened,” Snape said with a shake of his head.

“That would be too out of character for you,” Sirius noted with a faint smile.

“Regardless of any ridiculous excuse that you might have it changes nothing about our situation,” Snape insisted.

“There is no situation, Severus. There is no us,” Sirius said. “I’m not asking for us to go back to that point as if nothing ever happened to us.”

“Then what do you want?”

“A chance to make it up to you. I just want a fresh clean start with none of the rubbish over our heads.”

Snape became silent, slipping into his thoughts once again. It was tempting to simply push Sirius aside and go on with his afterlife. What kind of afterlife was waiting for him? His mother? A few colleagues that he did not know if he could even face? Was that enough?

It was hard to decide if he could be happy that way. Utopia was supposed to be paradise, perfection, everything that the weary traveler needed after a long hard road. It would hardly be any of that if he held onto the anger and the pain. It was not worth it to be like that any longer. Snape knew that he was simply tired of it.

Still, giving in to Sirius had always been dangerous. It had cost him a great deal in the past. Would he be able to stand it if Sirius managed to destroy what was left of his heart?

“Honestly, Severus…it’s not that difficult,” Sirius said. He was suddenly hovering over him, leaning in until their breath mixed.

“With you it is nothing but difficult,” Snape retorted.

“Now you’re being difficult,” Sirius said with a hint of a teasing grin. “Thinking and talking about this isn’t going to convince you one way or another. So I’ll just try another method.”

Before Snape could make any sort of protest, Sirius closed the distance between them for a heated kiss. Sirius slid his hands up Snape’s thighs and up his chest slowly. His fingers found their way to Snape’s dark hair, winding it around his fingers idly.

It seemed odd to Snape that Sirius tasted absolutely the same. There was still the taste of summer, too many Honeydukes chocolates, and that taste that was undeniably Sirius. His lips felt the same, perhaps a bit rougher, but the quality of Sirius’s kisses hardly changed. It only confirmed to him that Sirius had indeed been left frozen at the age of 18.

Sirius finally pulled away and they stared at one another for several long moments. Sirius’s hand lightly kneaded at Snape’s shoulders, tracing through his hair occasionally. They both seemed to be waiting for something from the other.

“I’ve a suggestion,” Sirius said softly, breaking the silence. “Mind you this is not my way of professing anything permanent or definite, but it’s just a suggestion.”

“Get to the point, Black,” Snape pressed, though it lacked a great deal of his usual bite.

“We can go back and try again. Maybe it will work itself out for the best, and maybe it won’t. Maybe there will be other people that we’ll be involved with and it will only prove that this was never meant to be. At least we can start fresh, without any of the past holding us back,” Sirius suggested.

“No wars and no werewolves banging at our doors,” Snape said, arching a brow.

“Exactly. No pressure,” Sirius offered.

Being honest with himself, Snape had to admit that it was a pleasant dream that he had had for himself. It had been hard to go through life as a spy with the pressure and distrust all around him. There was nothing left in the world for him and perhaps starting out fresh, not as Severus Snape, the spy and Potions Master, would be good for him. He was willing to give the notion a try.

“There are a few people that I would like to speak to first,” Snape said.

“Same here. I’m supposed to tell James and Lily if I’m successful,” Sirius explained. “They…want to go with us.”

Snape rolled his eyes. Well it would hardly be as perfect as he could have hoped for. Though if he simply made it his goal to ensure that Potter finally got what was coming to him he would be able to enjoy himself a bit more.

“Don’t look like that. We’re all grown-up now,” Sirius insisted. “Everything will be different.”

“Of course,” Snape drawled.

Sirius frowned, his bottom lip protruding just enough to make it a pout. Snape rolled his eyes once again.

“There is no need to give me that look,” Snape snapped. “There is no such thing as a life without some kind of torment. This time I shall simply be more diligent about getting my revenge.”

Sirius laughed, his forehead coming to rest against Snape’s. “I think that’s the most childish thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth in years,” he said.

“Perhaps the company has finally gotten to me. You’ve been a child stuck in a man’s body for years,” Snape retorted.

Sirius smiled at him again and sneaked in a quick kiss. “I intend to do this right, this time,” he said.

“Everyone has such high hopes for second tries,” Snape said.

“I want it, Severus,” Sirius said, sounding serious for a change. “I want you.”

Sirius leaned in to kiss Snape again, as if wanting to show his conviction was as strong as his words. Regardless of how little Snape trusted Sirius at that moment, it felt wonderful to hear those words.

“This does not mean that I am simply giving into you,” Snape said when Sirius finally allowed him to speak. Sirius bit lightly at the pulse point on his neck and Snape’s eyes fluttered closed against his will. His breath hitched in his throat and he held back the faint moan that threatened to escape.

“I expect that this will be difficult,” Sirius said before laving the bite with his tongue. “Nothing of true value comes easy.”

“Stop trying to sound so wise, Black. It does nothing for your appeal,” Snape retorted.

Sirius pulled back to look Snape in the eyes. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Are you going to have your way with me or continue to attempt to impress me with your flowery words?” Snape asked, arching a brow.

Sirius just laughed and shook his head. “I’m feeling rather tempted to leave you hanging. Might make you appreciate it more later.”

Snape rolled his eyes. “You are utterly impossible,” he said, pushing Sirius away.

“I wouldn’t say that it’s impossible to get into my pants,” Sirius said with a smirk.

He let out a groan. “You have to be the most juvenile person that I have been unfortunate enough to meet!” Snape stood up and moved into the living room, trying to get away from Sirius’s annoying presence. Sirius did not let him get too far away, however, slipping behind him silently.

“I might be persuaded to pin you down and as you say ‘have my way with you.’ That is if you ask me nicely,” Sirius purred into Snape’s ear.

Snape spun around and scoffed at Sirius’s attempt. “A Gryffindor attempting to manipulate a Slytherin?”

“Is it working?”

“Hardly.”

“Can’t fault a guy for trying,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“Black, if you think that this elaborate scheme to get me to…” Snape paused to roll his eyes, “fall for your ridiculous charms is going to work, then you may have a few things coming.”

“I can wait.”

Snape spun around and looked at Sirius in surprise. “Wait?”

“Yes. I can wait,” Sirius said crossing his arms. “I’ve been waiting for the last almost twenty years, what’s a few more going to do.”

Waiting was the last thing that Snape had expected Sirius to do, especially after his repeated attempts at seduction. The Sirius Black that he knew did not take a simple “no” for an answer.

“I realize that you aren’t taking me seriously. I’ve got a poor track record and that’s more than enough to make anyone not believe me,” Sirius said calmly. “However, just keep this in mind. I made a promise that I would fix this, not just to myself, but to your mother as well. If she can believe enough in me that I’m going to try my damnedest to get this right, then it might not hurt for you to give me a bit more of a chance.”

Snape looked at Sirius for a long moment, trying to determine what he should say in response to such words. If there was anything that he had learned about Sirius over the years it was that he was an open book. Sirius could not hide his emotions behind masks and lies. When Sirius was angry, he looked angry. If Sirius was being devious, his lips quirked and his eyes gleamed. At that moment Sirius was not lying and his calm look promised that he would do exactly what he said, wait.

"If you can prove yourself to me," Snape began, "then perhaps things will be different this next time."

Sirius smiled at that. "That's all I'm asking for."

Snape shook his head. This would most likely end poorly, but at the same time, the notion of trying again was appealing. Things would be different this next time and he would not be forced into the same life that he had been in before. Peace was something he thought he could enjoy this second time around. After all, it was hardly worth staying in paradise only to feel unsatisfied.

*

“What happened to your nose? Is it swollen?”

The other boy glared at this strange newcomer. “No, this is how my nose always looks.”

“Oh bother,” the first boy said. He sat down beside him with an annoyed sigh. “Here I’ve gone and put my ruddy foot in my mouth again.”

“That you did,” the second replied with a snort.

That brought a rather broad smile to his face. “I think I rather like you. None of that ridiculous ‘don’t be so hard on yourself’ nonsense.” He settled down then and looked out the window.

It took a few moments but slowly a matching smile graced his face as he looked at this new person. Perhaps... going to this new school wouldn’t be so bad after all.

The End