InsaneJournal

Happy Valentine's Day to my wife, shishio - Sirius/Remus
First Posted: 02-15-2007

Title: Dear Remus: A Valentine from Sirius to Remus
Author: Rain ( iheartbowie )
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 2,062
Summary: A Valentine note for a slightly lost Sirius. A part of the my_moonshine universe.
Disclaimer: No, I don’t own it. I write for pleasure and receive no gain and neither does hpqfac. It’s intended for love and charity only.
Author’s Note: I realize that most of this will be rather confusing and O.o to most people, but it was my valentine gift to my wife and writing partner, shishio. I had hoped to be able to write something more “understandable” for acejillian as she had requested Sirius/Remus as a gift for doing the wonderful thing of sponsoring me for the hpqfac. I regret that I’ve been having a bit of a drought of inspiration for that kind of fic. I’ve been a wee bit busy playing with other fics that I’ve been working on and therefore…failed. *hangs head * The best I can say is that while we haven’t posted this far into our epic soap opera, the feelings and message still comes across nicely. This remains unbeta-ed due to the nature of the “stream of conscious” writing that I was attempting. I didn’t want to change how Sirius worded anything regardless of how well it went across. This is exactly how Remus would have read it.

If I’ve still got your attention, then you deserve a hug. ^_^ I hope it’s enjoyed.



Dear Remus,

This Valentine’s Day I wanted to do something special for you. We’ve been together for the last 23 years and every moment of it has been a wonderful. There have been ups and downs, fights, losses and wins. We’ve been through so much together that I feel as if pulling down the moon isn’t enough to show how much you mean to me.

I know I can just show you how I feel. We have a bond that will share our every thought and emotion. Sometimes even after this long, I feel like that’s just not enough. Can I really show you all of the depth of emotion with just one glance, one rush of feeling between us? Do you really see all of it?

Thinking further on it, I knew that I wanted you to know that you are the most incredible person on the face of the earth. You’re smart, talented, playful, loving, a wonderful father, and a perfect partner and husband. Thinking what to do in order to show you all of this and how much I love you seems like such a tall order. How do you put all of that in a package with a boy and a card?

I talked about it with Ashlyn for a while and she said that I should just get you flowers and a nice card. I realize that I must have gone wrong somewhere with her, because she doesn’t have much of a romantic bone in her body. Of course, she’s also much too busy to talk to me now that she’s hip deep in Auror training. For now I won’t hold it against her.

Channing said that I should give you kisses and hugs, and while that’s certainly somewhere on the agenda (and hopefully we’ll both be naked for it) that’s not exactly enough. I’m sure you’ll love his Valentine’s gift for you though. It’s very cute.

So once again I’m back to the drawing board.

I was thinking briefly about one of Regulus’s birthdays, specifically the year that I wore that gold Sun outfit and tried to seduce you on the dance floor. If I recall correctly I said something along the lines of “For too long you’ve worshipped the moon. I think its time that you worshipped me instead.” You were gorgeous and I simply wanted to see you come undone under my stare. I felt like I wanted to devour you and pull you completely inside of me. It was as if I wasn’t complete until I was buried deep inside of you. I took my time about it, dragging out as long as I could, simply because the burning feeling in my skin felt too good to end too soon.

Excuse me. I think I got a little carried away with myself there. You have the tendency to bring that out of me. I feel so many things all at once when I’m around you. Sometimes I can’t decide if I just want to hold you in my arms to feel the security of you there, or if I want to simply take you wherever we are regardless of who is watching, or I just want to look at you and wonder how in the world I ever got so lucky.

This trip down memory lane isn’t so bad. Let’s see what else I can think of. I remember that the first time we made love after you took that potion, sealing yourself back into one person. It was different, but at the same time it was still the same. We spent hours seemingly relearning everything about one another. You stared at me with those gold eyes of yours, sparkling yellow. It took me by surprise how seamlessly you would shift, one moment roughly scratching and biting and then the next to a tenderness that nearly made me cry. I suppose you were trying to relearn the feel of your skin as much as the feel of my own. I’d always known how much you loved me, but that night I felt it more than I could remember having felt it in a long time. I felt worshipped, for a better word. I can’t quite describe the feeling, other than to say that if I had not already been determined to follow you off the edge of the earth I would have (and still will) after that night.

When you opened the front door to the house that day and there was the basket and Ashlyn waiting there for us, I remember how happy you were. She really was a gift for us. Having Harry for a godson was wonderful, but having a child of our own was so much more. She was such a small, fragile thing once upon a time. Her little hand could barely curl around my finger. You loved her so much. You still do, of course. You looked so beautiful when you would hold her and play with her. It was a glow that poured out of you and filled the room completely. You both meant the world to me and I would have done absolutely anything for you (and still would.)

Now Ashlyn is 18 years old. She’s grown so much and into such a beautiful woman. I know that she’s become that because of you. She’s responsible and intelligent and many things I could only wish to be. I am so proud of her and proud of you for helping to raise her. Ashlyn is going to be an Auror, and get married and be the most amazing woman, all because of us.

(A small wet splotch stains the page at this point.)

Sorry. I’m starting to get maudlin. Sometimes I miss having her at home, and other times I just want her to keep growing and making us proud.

Sometimes I wonder though, why did you decide to stop teaching? Is it just because Channing is still very young? You had always said that your dream was to be a teacher. When you were a teacher you were so happy about it. It suited you perfectly. I don’t understand why you couldn’t go back to it, even if it wasn’t at Hogwarts. You could do private tutoring, or even open your own school.

I should probably think of a more happy thought now, something to lighten the mood. I know! When Ashlyn was seven we went to that muggle place, Disney right? Well we went to that Disney place and had the times of our lives. At one point we had been going through that tree house and Ashlyn and I wandered off together. You were trying to find us when all of a sudden we came up behind you and surprised you. The look on your face was priceless, though I will say that being tickled to the ground by the both of you was exhausting and I was glad to rest for lunch after that.

We’ve done a lot in our lives. All of that time we spent in Hawaii was good for us, even if we should have been here. Staying in England we might not have been able to handle everything that we needed to. Though I think I’ll always have difficulty trying to see how you went from Surfer Remus to Proper Professor Remus. You did look awful cute with that tan and the bit of freckles across your nose.

What else have we done that’s monumental? I suppose I could go into the obvious of fighting in a never ending war and proving that once against light is victorious over dark, but that’s so overdone really. I’d much rather concern myself with us, as in the four of us that make up our family.

Channing is most definitely something monumental. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever really thought of you as a knight in shining armor. You really are his hero. You took him from that terrible place and brought him somewhere that he had only dreamt about. Channing has this chance that would have never been possible if you hadn’t been the one to find him. He’s completely besotted with you and you with him.

I think my new favorite thing to do is to watch the two of you. Channing is pretty amazing with his sometimes adult thoughts. He reminds me of Lyall when he acts like that sometimes. He’s always interested in everything that you have to say. He stares up at you with his big eyes like your bestowing him with a gift. In a way you are. Love is the best gift of all.

The first time I remember seeing Channing call you Daddy was amazing. You completely melted. I know that the feeling that filled you was so strong that I felt like I was going to burst. It was like falling in love again, only it was different. You fell in love with him as if he was a product of you and therefore a piece of you and your soul. You love Ashlyn with all of your heart, but its nothing compared to how you feel about Channing.

He has made you so completely happy. I can’t help but love to watch you two. You curl up on the sofa and read together, whether it’s a book that he can read to you or one that you read to him. You are teaching him all of the wonderful things that you can bake, as the house fills up with laughter and the sweet smells of cookies and cakes. Channing loves all of the things that you love, so I feel lucky because that means that he loves me too.

I still haven’t figured out what I can give you that will show you how much that I love you. I’m wondering if there is really anything left to give that will suit this particular holiday. After all, I’ve already given you a connection to hold my life in your hands. What’s more of an “I love you” than a permanent gateway into my thoughts and emotions?

Flowers and candy seem a trifle moot, even if you can be contented with just a bar of chocolate. We’ve traveled. I’ve wined and dined you. I’ve cooked for you and we’ve had picnics together. I’ve given you jewelry and cards. We laid out under the stars and made love in the grass. I’ve tried poetry and showing you beautiful things just to see you smile. What else is there to give to someone that’s the most important person in your life?

It’s almost like the question of what to get Regulus for his birthday. Regulus made himself independently wealthy on a hundred beautiful paintings and modeling. He can buy anything he wants up to and including pieces of third world countries. So what do you buy for the man that has quite literally everything? I know that his 35th birthday present had been a good idea, but that’s not exactly what I intend to get for you.

I’ve rambled quite a bit in this letter, haven’t I? At least if all else fails I can give you this as a Valentine’s gift. You’ll probably laugh at my soppy words and tell me that you love me, too. That would be a nice Valentine’s gift, just those three words. I’m easy to please at least.

Well before I cover another page with my sop, I’ll close here and simply wish you a Happy Valentine’s. Channing and I will have dinner ready at precisely 6 o’clock and somehow I managed to beg Ashlyn to stop by for tea at least. I expect that once Channing is in bed and Ashlyn’s return to her “all night study session” (that poor boy, I don’t know how Neville can stand it) it will be just you and I and there will be no early waking in the morning. I’ve already asked Toddy if he wouldn’t mind watching Channing the next day. So we’ll just drop him off with the twins and Toddy and then have all the time in the world for ourselves. Not a bad arrangement if I do say so myself.

Anyway, I love you, Remus Lupin. I love you more than I can possibly express with words, thoughts and emotions.

Your husband,

Sirius Black